Boy oh Boy

I cleaned out my wardrobe the other day. I dont own alot of clothes to begin with, but I have a hard time of letting go of the old ones I do have. Amongst those I have donated to the salvo's all my maternity clothes. All in great condition. I'm at that stage where I dont know if there will be any more children. I figure if we get there one day I can buy some new stuff. The idea of holding onto all these clothes for 2 plus years is terrible. I haven't got that much closet space anyways.

12 months ago I was positive we would have a third. I remember crying when my best friend told me she wouldn't have any more after her two. I was hysterically upset about it. (she now has a third and is finally done :) I couldn't fathom being complete with my two at that stage.

I always imagined having three kids. And in there somewhere was the hope that maybe we may have a girl as well. And of course with most things once you have kids, there is no such thing as privacy, and I get the question constantly- will you try for a girl? will you have any more kids? I didn't mind that question when I was so sure we would try again, but now I feel invaded. I am not the most fertile woman in the world. Conceiving for me in the first place is a bloody miracle. Then to put pressure on and attempt to get a girl. Wow, just wow. Even if it were a sure deal to get a girl it wouldn't make the whole process any easier.

I grew up being the youngest of 4 kids. I have 3 older brothers. I get guys. I find boys easier. Less maintenance, easier to talk to- no nonsense. Of course I think about having a daughter and the possibilities, but nothing is guaranteed. Relationships dont always happen they way you would like. So having two boys right now is where were at.

Dont get me wrong, boys can be hard work, and of late mine have been really hard. But it comes and goes in stages.Right now I don't want to complicate life anymore. Time is so darn precious and I dont feel I'm giving enough of it to the two little people I do have. I feel guilty that I cant have all this one on one time that I had with my first son. Everything is now shared (not always a bad thing, but I feel for my eldest who has nothing of his own anymore, and for my youngest who will never know whats it like to have have our constant undivided attention)

So, aside from one snarly cat, our dog Izzy and a dozen chooks I am the only girl in our house. It may well stay this way forever. And you know what I'm ok with that. Our home is full of duplo lego, cars & trucks galore, dinosaurs & bikes. It's quite fitting really as I never really did like the colour pink ;)